Monday, December 31, 2018

Book Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie


How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleHow to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What a great book .. it is full of common sense techniques on how a human being should interact, converse or deal with another human being. The book does not talk about any magical ways of influencing people, nor does influencing mean cheating people. It is about understanding what generally works with most humans and the results are a win-win for both parties who are interacting and not just one benefiting at the cost of the other.
I listened to the audio book so i could not take any notes then but thankfully several others on the internet have done. I am referring to https://fs.blog/2012/07/how-to-win-fr... and will elaborate some of the points in my own words (for examples on each of these points you should read the book as it is full of anecdotes related to each item below):
Part 1 - How to influence people:
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

1. Don't criticize instead tell others about what you find good in them. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
2. Be honest in your appreciation. No one likes insincere praise (flattery).
3. Kindle the desire in the other person to want to do the thing you need them to do so you both benefit.

Part 2 - How to be liked by other people or make a good first impression:
1. Be genuinely interested in other person.
2. Smile while talking to others. It gives a positive impression and also makes the other person feel comfortable talking to you.
3. Remember a person's name (as that is the sweetest thing for them).
4. Be a good listener. Encourage the other person to talk about themselves. Many people like to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of other person's interests - how what you are proposing to them will benefit them.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it with sincerity. One way to do so will be to mention their good in front of others so they feel they are being recognized and will feel important that way. But we should only praise them for what we see as good in them sincerely.

Part 3 - How to win people to your way of thinking:
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Don't argue.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say - you are wrong. That will hurt their pride and they will become defensive.
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This goes a long way at times to prove to the other person that you are being honest.
4. Begin in a friendly way. Don't get to the complaint you have to tell the other person right away ... beginning in a friendly doing some loose talking before gently putting across your point of complaint will make the other person more receptive to your point of view.
5. Get the other person to saying - "yes"es. This is called the socrates way.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea or ownership of the work is theirs.
8. Try to see other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge (this works especially well for kids).

Part 4 - How to be a leader without offending or arousing resentment:
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly - so as to not hurt their pride.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person - this will soften the blow for the other person as they will realize that you too are not impeccable.
4. Let the other person save face.
5. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise".
6. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
7. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
8. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.


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